


A Problem of Behemoth Proportions

by Kelly_the_Ferret



Series: Leviathan Depths [8]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21546397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelly_the_Ferret/pseuds/Kelly_the_Ferret
Summary: What does one find when scratching at the surface of reality near the Eastern Gate? Gabriel knows.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Leviathan Depths [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538272
Kudos: 12





	A Problem of Behemoth Proportions

**Author's Note:**

> Still working on the ending! I feel like it's nearly there. Hope it's entertaining so far!

The pair were instantly pulled through the swirling surface when they touched it. The angel dropped to the ground on his backside, holding his head. The demon staggered about for a few paces, trod on the hem of her dress, and went down onto soft grass shoulder first. 

After a moment had passed, both climbed to their feet. "We certainly aren't in Eden anymore," Crowley murmured, removing her glasses.

"We should definitely report in about this," Aziraphale agreed.

They found themselves standing in an enormous enclosed pasture. Out in the center, a chain whose weight would have dragged the Titanic down lay in a massive coil. Next to it sat a metal collar that could have been reused as a tide breaker.

The angel pulled an aging flip phone out of yet another cargo pocket and he began frantically pushing buttons. "Yes! Urgent!" he shouted at the device.

With a flash, Gabriel stood next to the pair. "Ok, yep, not good," he immediately reacted. He turned to face them, freezing momentarily when he saw Crowley wearing the visage of his ex-wife. 

Crowley looked away, and with a snap he was wearing his usual London street wear, glasses back in place.

Aziraphale glanced at the demon with a sorrowful expression which shifted into general worry as he decided to stay focused on the problem before them. "Something seems to have gotten loose," he informed the archangel.

Gabriel shifted his gaze to the principality. "No shit, Sherlock! This is the Behemoth's pen!" 

"You WOT?!" Crowley demanded, whipping his sunglasses back off.

"Er, sorry, excuse me, could someone please explain to me what in Heavens that means?!" Aziraphale interjected.

"It looks like God's pet has gotten out," Crowley informed the blonde angel, who suddenly looked as though he had just witnessed a flock of geese kidnapping a mime.

Gabriel strode off toward the gargantuan chain, and the other two followed. 

"And why do you two seem to know so much about this? In all my years, I've never heard so much as a mention about -"

Crowley cut in with "This was ancient business. In the earliest times, when the Almighty was just beginning to experiment with creation, she had some wild ideas. She cobbled together violent planets with roiling storms and pillars of fire, and then she breathed the archangels into existence. Eight of us in total; she meant for us to carry out her drone work while giving constructive feedback. She was surprisingly laid back when we disagreed with her."

Aziraphale struggled to keep up with his longer-legged companions. "So, what, there was no (huff) no... ineffable plan?!" 

"Not at that point there wasn't," the ex-archangel continued, "God was drunk on a tidal flood of ideas; possibilities! Originally, sentient plants were meant to rule the Earth. She designed vast societies of walking trees, scurrying shrubs, vines that would form living spider webs... We were all shocked at how that prototype went; who would have believed that warring flora could commit mass genocide in under a week? God took Michael's advice and rooted the plant life into the rocks." 

Aziraphale shot an alarmed look at a scraggly bush to which he gave a wide berth, and continued to listen.

"Eventually, we got together and asked her to stick with something that worked. She'd made us vaguely in her image, and we had been the only concept to that point that didn't implode or turn murderous. She decided to go that direction, but not before one last project. 'Go big or go home,' she said. So, the leviathans were turned loose. Absolutely massive beasts that dominated the air, land, and sea. One became a celebrity briefly last summer; remember the Kraken?"

The trio arrived at the chain and collar at last. 

"You had one job, Gabriel! Contain the leviathans!" Crowley jabbed angrily.

A very red-faced archangel turned around with dark eyes. He snarled, "One job?! While you were flitting around lost in your art projects, I was managing actual MAYHEM!"

"Art projects, yeah! ONLY BALANCING THE BLOODY COSMOS!" Crowley roared as he was being hauled away by Aziraphale.

Gabriel looked as though he wanted to fire back, but seemed to think better of it, and instead turned his attention to the enormous collar.

"Why must you provoke him so!?" Aziraphale demanded once they were some distance away.

"Oh what, worried he'll smite me?" Crowley sneered.

"CROWLEY!" Aziraphale's wings involuntarily rose behind him as his eyes flashed with blue lightning.

The demon glared, swallowed hard, and sat down on the grass with his elbows on his knees.

Aziraphale's wings folded away gracefully as he found a seat next to the demon, mirroring his counterpart's posture.

"You seem quite determined to start a fight with him, you know," the angel gently observed.

"I can't help it, his face is just so... punchable," Crowley grumbled.

Aziraphale sighed. "Then maybe you should let me do the talking, dear," he suggested.

Crowley sat in silence, sulking.

"You really mustn't blame him for this mess with the Behemoth. It isn't as though he personally released the Kraken, after all," Aziraphale added.

The demon tossed his head and sarcastically mimicked the angel's last phrase under his breath.

"Right, I've tried being gentle, but you leave me no choice. Go apologize or I shall speak kindly to the plants," Aziraphale threatened.

The demon scowled incredulously.

"That's right, I'll do it! Go on!" The angel pressed.

Gabriel was scribbling on a notepad when Crowley came stomping over with his hands in his pockets. The demon stopped when he was side by side with the archangel and he stood waiting for Aziraphale to catch up.

"I shouldn't 've said that," Crowley said to the empty space in front of him. "This probably wasn't all your fault. The pen you built is... nice."

Gabriel furrowed his eyebrows and rolled his eyes. "Look, if you're done with drama, can we move on?"

When no one spoke, he announced "The Behemoth didn't break loose. The collar opened and set him free. Probably when the Kraken woke up."

"What the divinity - Well, where has it been for the past half a year? How has no one seen it?" Aziraphale queried in disbelief.

"The Behemoth can blend in with his surroundings if he chooses. I guess he chose to," Crowley said as he waved an arm at the enormous swirling egress that the animal had created in its enclosure. "Humph. An enormous invisible beast kept in an enormous invisible pen; this certainly has your style written all over it," he grimly told the habitat's architect.

"Well, why have we not heard about whole villages being devoured in this area? And what does any of this have to do with the mad attacks recently?" the principality continued in an incredulous tone.

Gabriel responded with "Well, he was always big and kinda dumb -"

"Sounds like someone I know -"

"Crowley!!" Aziraphale hissed. "Please, continue," he nodded at Gabriel.

"But he was never aggressive. God put a ring in his nose and had me put him out to pasture. He's been grazing out here to his heart's content for millennia. The only scary thing about him, well apart from his size, is his roar. Bark much worse than his bite, if you know what I mean," Gabriel explained.

"That actually brings us to the bottom of our other mystery. The Behemoth is meant to roar once a year at the peak of his strength, right around this hemisphere's summer solstice. When he does, all the other beasts on the Earth are calmer for another year. Looks like he missed his cue last summer."

"So what, did he just lumber south down the continent and get too cold?" Crowley suggested.

"No idea," Gabriel said flatly. "Get to work guys, we gotta find him."

Crowley was more than happy to miracle his angel and himself back to the bookshop. 'Plane tickets be damned, I'm never doing that again,' he thought.


End file.
